Episode 41: Grief, Abuse and Forgiveness with Robin

In this episode, I had the honor of speaking with Robin. It’s her second time on the podcast. She’s back to share this deep experience with transgenerational forgiveness, abuse, and grief…oh, and some mushrooms, too.

We discussed:

  1. Last Time: PTSD, abuse, repressed memories, last journey (portals, overwhelming, physically, spiritually), jealousy, somatic, shadow work (Carl Jung), younger self in field of tall grass in white dresses, connected to younger self, then to the darkness; playlist was faint in the background, but triggered a shift in the journey; really started to feel love; memories of abuse surfaced; arts as integration tools; we are the medicine, ourselves; journaling led to having conversations with family; use the lesson, the vision as a tool; find the right person to integrate with, to share your space; do the prep work (therapy, openness) that helps the medicine take you where you need to go; open to medicine; integration afterwards; when we take these powerful, ancient medicines, it will open things up (drano), things were locked up will be freed; everything comes out and there’s no turning back, so be ready for it! — I forgot to mention that I’m happier and more free and not always stuck in fight flight and more present in my relationships! Oh well.
  2. Forgiveness: ability to feel compassion which leads to openness to experience joy and forgiveness
  3. Loss of beloved dog; called to mushrooms; 4.5g; good set & setting; music; water food; ritual/prayer over medicine
  4. Cried about her dog; playlist for him; felt vibration of sobbing all the way the center of the universe, fused together
  5. Others who had passed away showed up; fiance’; talked, laughed, cried; mushrooms dug up old grief; 
  6. Then, Spirit brought up her 6th sense; spirits took it in another direction; taken into childhood; whole room changed into a dark, scary place; veils being lifted, showed all of the childhood instances of abuse; got darker and darker, heavier and heavier; no more denying it;
  7. Heard a whisper, “Smoke and mirrors, smoke and mirrors.” Childhood cover-up; 
  8. Told the spirits she’d seen enough; told boyfriend the memories won’t stop; he said, let it keep coming;
  9. Forgiveness starts to happen; spirit showed her father’s childhood, grandfather, great-grandfather, all the way back to the holocaust. Generational trauma. His PTSD was generations in the making.
  10. Decided to turn on music; doesn’t normally use music; Om/Aum; shifted to Mom
  11. Part of her PTSD is dissociation; checking out; wondered why; Mom was the same way; “Smoke and mirrors” again; saw her lineage of trauma; taught to ignore her feelings, don’t stir the pot; keep status quo; gut feelings; mom’s eating disorder; own dissociation, eating disorder; back in generations to the holocaust
  12. Souls carrying transgenerational trauma
  13. Angry, just wanted to talk to my dog; felt run over by a truck
  14. Messaged a friend; her dog is the one who helped her heal the transgenerational trauma (10:00 remove the name)
  15. Lessons for others who are listening; likes to do it alone; PTSD, work with an integration specialist; the prep work is vital; the medicine knows your ready; large doses are not for everyone; set & setting: safe person nearby who understands that the hard part is necessary, don’t pull you out of it; clean out the wound; remember, as you walk through the shadow, the light is waiting on the other side; online integration services and trip sitters; be prepared; find a safe person to process with; be careful about sharing — it’s sacred; everyone handles sexual abuse different, all ways are okay; 
  16. Still deep grief but now with deep compassion; no more anxiety when calls them; own souls, own journey